I read the current issue of BP Magazine while I was in the doctor’s waiting room this week and there was some discussion (not available on the web site) about “coming out” as bipolar.

I’d never heard that phrase associated with it before, but despite the connotations, I don’t think it’s inappropriate at all. In many cases it is a secret that you have to hide due to stigma, and I thought long and hard before deciding to mention it and talk about it in a public blog.

For the record, my diagnosis is Bipolar II, and the time between symptoms and diagnosis was twelve years¹. I don’t publicly discuss the details or causes other than to say that with respect to medical and environmental risks for the disorder, it was almost inevitable.

The reason I finally decided to “come out” was because I want to fight that stigma. I have an illness, not a personality flaw. It’s caused by a hormone imbalance just like diabetes, polycystic ovary syndrome, or hyperthyroidism. The only difference between those illnesses and mine is that the affected organ is the brain².

In my case, because I am naturally high-functioning, it’s often not easy to “see” that I have mental illness unless I enter a depressive episode³. Most people don’t realize that I actually get too high sometimes, because I never get to the point of psychosis. That’s the reason I chose to get involved in anti-stigma action. Mental illness is more common than many people realize⁴.

It’s also not as obvious as many people think. I have to deal with the bipolar disorder every day of my life but, again, it’s not often recognized. This is because I hide some of it and most of the rest of it looks like normal behavior, though a bit rigid and conservative⁵.

The most important thing to understand is that I didn’t do anything to cause this illness, and to be honest, I never would have chosen it. I do take responsibility for living with the consequences, but that’s a different issue and it is a choice. It isn’t accepting the blame. I won’t accept it because I don’t deserve it — nor do I deserve being judged because of it.

Re-read the above paragraph. Sound familiar? That’s why I think “coming out” is such a good phrase. I’m not co-opting it from the homosexual community; if anything, it’s at least a mild expression of solidarity.

Most people with mental illness are like I am: we live with the consequences of something we never chose. But there are a lot of people who are like that; it doesn’t take mental illness, and it’s another reason the stigma against it is unwarranted.

I’m not an activist when it comes to fighting the stigma against mental illness, and I don’t always “come out” at work or elsewhere in public. But I’m not going to hide it. It’s not something to be ashamed of, and my hope is that by refusing shame I can contribute to acceptance.

1. This time-to-diagnosis period is slightly above average, but not unusually so.
2. One criticism of mental illness is that there’s no chemical test to identify the hormone imbalance. There actually is: it’s visible in the cerebrospinal fluid within the brain cavity. The problem is that extraction requires an open skull.
3. I’m still fighting out of a really bad one that started this past fall.
4. I’ve seen estimates ranging from 1-in-4 adults to 1-in-10.
5. Having to live like a “straight-laced saint” drives me up a wall on a regular basis. The only way I can stick with it sometimes is to remind myself of what happens if I don’t.