Writer’s Block from May 13, 2010:

What gives your life special meaning and purpose? Do you think it’s important to leave a lasting mark on the world? If so, what form do you think this will take?

I believe that all lives have a purpose and, thus, leave a mark upon the world. It’s sometimes a very small mark, but it’s there. Given that, my answer is not so much whether it’s important to make a mark, as to consider what kind of mark you might leave.

When I move from an academic answer into a more personal one, though, my feelings are less certain. I don’t doubt that I’m leaving a mark and can give some examples; and at the same time the story of St. Joseph the Worker tells us that sometimes a person doesn’t know their true overall purpose during their mortal lifetime. (Sacred Tradition holds that he died well before Jesus started his public ministry.)

I certainly don’t, and I’ve spent an awful lot of time trying to figure it out. I’ve finally had to close my eyes and accept the idea on faith. I don’t know why I’m here; and in my more depressed moments that’s hard to handle. It’s also why I consider my faith in God to be absolutely essential.

It’s also why I have a hard time identifying the meaning and purpose in my life. I can list some things that make me happy and keep me going when things are bad, but that’s a little different than having a purpose. Still, I can live for them even though it feels selfish sometimes.

When I was in HR, I saw it as a vocation and purpose. To some extent I still do believe that’s my vocation. But the career burned me out in ten years. That’s not a large fraction of a lifetime, and I’m just egotistical enough to think that more than ten years of my life will carry importance in the economy of salvation.

That’s another reason I cling to my faith. I very much feel that I’m at a holding period in my life right now, and for the sake of my own sanity I have to believe that it’s temporary.